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Co-Dependence
According to Melody Beattie in her groundbreaking book, Co-dependent No More, “A codependent person is one who has let another person’s behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior”.
When a co-dependent is able to control a behavior or action, (by preventing them from drinking, gambling, acting out sexually) there is a sense of relief. It reinforces the false belief that we can actually control the actions of another adult. But the relief is short-lived and very soon the co-addict becomes anxious over controlling the next behavior. In pursuing this game of control, the co-dependent’s life becomes as unmanageable and as crazy-making as that of the addict.
Here are some questions that you may want to answer about yourself:
- Do you often feel angry and resentful while taking care of the addict?
- Do you say yes when you mean no?
- Do you say to yourself, “I am the only responsible one here”?
- Do you find yourself doing things that you really don’t want to?
- Do you find yourself postponing a happy and fulfilled life to a time when the addict finally becomes sober?
- Do you find yourself solving the addict’s problems or bailing them out or covering up for them?
- Do you live waiting for the other shoe to fall?
- Do you find yourself giving from a sense of fear and obligation vs. joy and purpose?
- Do you use alcohol, food, shopping, etc. to deal with your feelings about the addict?
- Finally, are you addicted to the Addict?
If you have answered yes to a few of these questions, you may be living in the world of the Co-dependent. Ask for professional help from a therapist who understands and is experienced in working with issues of co-dependence
Find out how you can live a fulfilled, anxiety-free and joyous life TODAY!
To find out more about Groups for Co-dependence, click on Beyond Co-dependence.
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